Those unsung Olympic names

As the Winter Olympics wind down today, it is time to shift our focus off the medals and world records and onto the unsung athletes, whose names are hilarious.

I am not suggesting we sit here and make fun of people just because they have goofy names. (I am standing up, actually).

First, there is Fanny Chmelar, whose name is gold even without the medal. It sounds like more of a hobby than a name. Who needs a nickname when you are the renowned Fanny Chmelar?

When missing his target, Croatian biathlete Jakov Fak has been known to scream his own name in frustration.

I think Australian skier Esther Bottomley and Canadian snowboarder Alexa Loo should start a law firm.

Then there is Swedish ice hockey player Jenni Asserholt. Can you imagine the ribbing on the playground? I can, and I, for one, am sorry I missed it.

Would you believe Dandan Man is a Chinese woman?

You might assume Jinelle Zaugg-Siergiej plays hockey for Ukraine. No. For the U.S.

Harri Olli sounds more like an exotic fruit or, at the very least, a death-defying snowboard trick, rather than the Finnish ski jumper he is.

Miraslav Satan, when he is not playing hockey for Slovakia, likes golf. (Weekend golfers everywhere already knew Satan was in the mix there somewhere).

I know you have many choices when deciding on your favorite Slovenian ski jumper, and I thank you for choosing Primoz Pikl.

If the world ran the way it should, Primoz would marry Italian skier Johanna Schnarf, resulting in lots of little Pikl-Schnarfs.

Then there is Roman Polak. (No, he is neither. He is Czech).

One has to admire the uplifting comeback of Serbian skier Marija Trmcic after having nearly all the vowels removed from her name at birth. Friends say she took inspiration from Czech bobsleigher Jan Vrba.

Some athletes names are just fun to say. Ekaterina Ananina for one. It sounds like a wagon going fast over an old slat board bridge.

Juha Lallukka is a great name. It seems like what you might yell when something really amazing happens but you are not allowed to curse.

I really like Margarita Marbler. When not freestyle-skiing the Austrian Alps, she says she enjoys "playing Gameboys." Oh, Miss Marbler. Don't you mean "gaming playboys"?

Most fun of all is Raluca Stramaturaru. I swear this is what my dog yelps whenever the UPS truck drives by.

The longest name in these Games belongs to Svetlana Malahova-Shishkina, 10 melodic syllables of Kazakh bliss.

The shortest name is a five-way tie between Jan Bos, Tim Hug, Hui Ren, Yao Shi and Ben Sim. I wonder if those guys have syllable envy, and whether I have too much time on my hands.

I wonder if Mama Berlot, back in 1990, had known she was birthing a future Olympic skier, she would have still named her son Gasper.

I wonder if cross-country skier Ivan Batory gets a lot of "Energizer Bunny" jokes.

I wonder if Olivia Nobs is really quite curvaceous.

I wonder if Jeff Pain unconsciously took up the sport of skeleton because of his name.

I wonder if Tessa Virtue thinks hers is an awful lot to live up to.

Well, Juha Lallukka! I'm out of space. See you again next week when ice and snow will be gone from our TV sports shows and back doing God's work—bringing Washington to a grinding halt.