Sunday, September 29, 2013

The lighter side of Obamacare - take this quiz!

On Tuesday, another phase of Obamacare rolls out, so today I will try to cut right through the confusion, in the sincere hope that some will trickle down onto you. Take this short quiz.

"Obamacare" is a term which means:

a)    As God is my witness, I'll never pay for cough syrup again
b)    The department of term-coining clearly didn't survive the sequester
c)    He cares, you pay
d)    They finally ran out of words to end with "gate"

True or False — Politics has no place in health care

a)    True
b)    Bwahahahahaha!

Starting Tuesday:

a)    The Health Insurance Marketplace will make buying coverage easier and more affordable
b)    I will be watching "The Voice" religiously
c)    Whenever a TV pundit says "Health Care Marketplace," you have to drink
d)    Adios, sunscreen—I'll have health care!

I think the biggest misconception about the Affordable Care Act is:

a)    The rumored involvement of the Care Bears
b)    The definition of "affordable"
c)    How we got the North Koreans to pay for it
d)    It all would have worked perfectly if it weren't for those meddling kids!

Under Obamacare, I will finally:

a)    be able to get that arrow removed
b)    be vindicated about that whole anti-Christ thing
c)    learn the difficult but exquisitely pleasurable art of complaining about having a doctor
d)    not be denied care for my pre-existing condition, political cynicism

Before Obamacare, my health care:

a)    was not named after anyone
b)    consisted of a Q-Tip, rubbing alcohol and prayer
c)    was overseen by Doctor Robitussin
d)    provided everything I could ask for except two things—health and care

I do not think government should be in the __________ business.

a)    health care
b)    all-up-in-my
c)    support hosiery
d)    governing

In health care, the concept of "prevention" is:

a)    a scam by the left
b)    just a sneaky way to promote that magazine
c)    a tried and true method of avoiding more serious medical terminology
d)    a way for doctors to charge you without actually curing anything

Since Obamacare was passed, it has faced a lot of opposition because:

a)    the wealthy think that a healthy underclass is an uppity underclass
b)    humans were involved
c)    well, I'll just say it—true Americans are just born healthy
d)    conservatives think it is a bad idea. Plus, they never get credit for coming up with the basic principles of it in 1989

If you have finished this misinformational quiz more angry than light-headed from laughter, it just illustrates how divisive politics can be. I mean health care. I mean politics. Maybe some day they will come up with a pill.

. . .

 Want actual information about Obamacare? Here is a good site with basic info.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Wednesday Wa Pic - L.A. County Fair reaches new heights of baconity

 Just when you thought the Fair had reached its technological bacon limits...

 This may open a wormhole to another dimension, but...totally worth it.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Wednesday Wa Pic - All we asked for was new paint!

 Remind me not to ask these people to "remodel" my house.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

In celebration of the humble shim

I got into a conversation the other day, as men will do, on the subject of shims. It is a topic every man is conversant with, because a man encounters many things in his life which are wobbly.

Men are problem-solvers by nature, so a shim is like a little wooden man.

You never know when you will need to shim something up, so I carry one at all times. Restaurants don't spend a lot of energy on table stability, and I got tired of having to remedy that with a stack of sugar packets. Now I just shim it up and eat in peace. Sometimes I will even leave it there, my gift to future diners.

I don't want to be the Shim Guy or anything, with a show on A&E and a pile of money, so don't go reading this and then flooding them with emails and a link to this column.

It's not like I have had a custom leather shim holster made, yet. (But if I did, it would feature an embossed cowboy down on his knees, shoring up a situation.)

For the longest time, I thought that song from Mary Poppins was called "Shim Shim Sheree," until I figured out Dick Van Dyke, as a chimney sweep, didn't really care at all about issues of wobbliness, unless it pertained to dancing penguins, and even then he was in favor of it.

If MacGyver had had a shim? Done. That show would have been over.

It is true that a wood shim will wear out a jeans pocket in about a month, so I have taken to shoving it into my belt, at the small of my back.

It's a conversation starter.

Women tend to look at you a little oddly, but men will often just nod kind of respectfully. And you know that whatever plans they had just got converted into a trip to the hardware store.

A shim is almost a state of mind. It begins narrowly, then grows wider; its usefulness adjustable to your need.

Whatever gap you find in this metaphor—shim it.

See what I mean?

I have found in life that the simpler the solution the better. Need to be taller? Slip a shim in your shoe. Need to level a new window? Shim it. Need to fill out a 400-word column after procrastinating it all week?

I think, friends, you know what to do.