Sunday, November 13, 2016

Leaking and dumping—a perplexing new trend

I wonder what I would have done if a time-traveler had sauntered up to me in high school in, say, 1978, and told me, "One day you will hear, comprehend, and not be grossed out by, the phrase 'WikiLeaks dump.'"

I probably would have said something like "What's that on your head? Are you an Aunt Bea impersonator?"

"It's a man-bun," the time-traveler would reply. "Where I come from, it is also ridiculed."

"Wait," I would say, "You're a time-traveler! I can tell. Your jeans have been completely shredded by the portal."

"No, that's just the way they come," he would say.

"Hold on. Before you go back, tell me. What stocks should I invest in?"

"I cannot be specific, but let's just say computers will be big."

"Got it! Thanks! Texas Instruments it is!"

So many leaks. So many dumps. How many dumps am I expected to endure before I suffer dump fatigue? I do not even click on those stories any more. Just because you dump something doesn't mean it has value. Look at Wells Fargo stock.

We have become a culture which likes to believe there is something fishy going on at all times, something which needs to be hacked and revealed. It makes us feel smart, special, and there is just enough actually fishy going on to feed the trend.

Conspiracy theories I wish would catch on:
  • Balding is experienced only by certain men who were taken as babies and inoculated with a serum which increased their intelligence, sexual magnetism and leadership abilities.
  • The reason the birds and the bees are dying off in such great numbers is because Internet porn has rendered their romantic symbolism irrelevant. 
  • Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are both actually Ralph Nader in disguise, using advanced theatrical makeup and TV editing tricks. So is Anderson Cooper.
  • Julian Assange is, and always has been, Ralph Nader.
  • The "A" in Chick-Fil-A stands for Assange.
  • 9/11 was caused by conspiracy theorists.
  • The moon landing was not only faked but had subliminal images inserted into its TV coverage which gave the public a subconscious urge to buy MoonPies.
When I was a kid, leak and dump had very different meanings, and you got very little public praise for them. The only people getting hacked were extras in Bruce Lee movies. Times change. I am sure something fishy is going on; don't get me wrong. But sometimes I wonder if it all isn't just a clever piece of fishdirection.
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