GW: Hi, are you the beaver from the dollar store?
Beaver: I'm from Schenectady, but, yes, that's me.
GW: What is your name?
Bvvvphhht: It's a family name. I'm keeping it simple for you. There are chirps and stuff too, and several seconds of flatulence.
GW: Thank you then. Well, let's get to it. There were pictures of you in a lot of papers last week. As if a wild beaver just wandered into a dollar store, without fear, and let people walk up and take pictures. Level with me. You're tame, right?
Bvvvphhht: You mean married?
GW: I mean not wild. You live with people. You're a pet. This was a stunt.
Bvvvphhht: Tame is a strong word, bro. I admit I'm pretty chill, but I live in the woods. Dam. Lodge. The whole lifestyle.
GW: So you are asking me to believe you just happened into a dollar store and ended up near the fake Christmas trees.
Bvvvphhht: I thought it was a Hobby Lobby. I was looking for one of those three-wick scented candles.
GW: Um, why?
Bvvvphhht: Ever been in a beaver lodge?
Bvvvphhht: Smells like a muskrat exploded.
GW: How were you going to pay for the candle?
Bvvvphhht: Pay? How am I managing to use a phone and speak English?
GW: Good point.
Bvvvphhht: I wasn't looking for publicity. I got a little lost. Next thing I know, this guy has his phone out and he's laughing at me, but all I see is boxes with pictures of trees on them. The boxes smelled delicious. Cardboard you call it?
Bvvvphhht: I couldn't help myself. I sniffed them. They were like wood, but soft.
GW: I apologize. I thought it was all staged.
Bvvvphhht: No problem. I guess my mistake entertained some people.
GW: What's next for you?
Bvvvphhht: Me and Pizza Rat are shooting a remake of "The Odd Couple."
GW: Ha ha.
Bvvvphhht: It's a little obvious, but it's hard to push boundaries these days.
GW: Change the system from within, dude.
Bvvvphhht: I'm on it.