Sunday, December 25, 2016

"The year in review—in holiday rhyme"

'Twas the day we call Christmas, and all through the states
not a cit'zen was stirring, afraid of the Fates

"This year they took Bowie," one gentleman winced,
"Muhammad Ali, Nancy Reagan and Prince

"John Glenn and Gene Wilder, Flo Henderson too,
Alan Rickman and Shandling and Zsa Zsa, it's true"

The election sat smoking, a crater still deep,
and it left some Americans feeling like [bleep]

Still others exuded a newfound fresh aura,
their frustrations heard (there had been a plethora)

The children, oblivious to the whole trauma,
unwrapped their new toys, unaware of the drama

While grown-ups residing in states red and blue
agreed on the past year—it totally blew

We had floods, there was drought, and electoral doubt,
militia occupation, and Zika breakout

On the plus side, they tell us the pandas are good,
they're off the endangered list, safe in their 'hood

Numbers of tigers in India are higher,
pulled back from the brink to a spot not as dire

So thinking Big Picture, the year didn't suck
(Notwithstanding that new-minted cretin word, "cuck")

They beat HIV (sure, it's only a trial,
but I'll call it a "win" against something so vile)

Fidel Castro checked out, will it mean they're free?
"El Chapo" was captured (What is this? Strike three?)

DiCaprio's Oscar for chewing raw meat
along with the scenery's a dubious feat

In Syria humanity lost its soul
The world looked away, shrugged, and wrote off the whole

Scientists found goats are as smart as dogs (really!)
though teaching a goat to chase Frisbees seems silly

The Britons went "Brexit" and entertain regrets
When gambling with finance, you takes what you gets

Pokemon Go was a craze in the summer
How it sucked battery, though, was a bummer

Harriet Tubman got plenty of traction
her face on the twenty soon, bumping ol' Jackson

Juno reached Jupiter, flying there to explore
its gases, its origins, its secretive core

A coup failed in Turkey, some feathers were ruffled
"Dictator!" some cried, but their voices got muffled

Docs said coffee cuts cancer and suicide rates
(proves a theory once floated by old Hippocrates)

This year was a pain, really bad, on its face
In history, I hope it sinks without a trace

It did have one bright spot, this one saving grace
Look it up—they grew the first flower in space!

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