Sunday, September 10, 2017

All-female cast of ‘Lord of the Flies’ stirs controversy

There is a lot of controversy over the announcement of an all-female film of “Lord of the Flies,” but I could have sworn they already made that movie. Wasn’t it called “Sex And The City”? 

O.K., that was not fair, I did not see even see it, but the Rotten Tomatoes review site gives it a 5 out of 10 (in tomato terms, a green splat), and I have found you can generally trust fruit-based critiques. 

(The fact that a tomato is a fruit is yet another reason, along with aardvarks, to distrust nature.)

“Lord of the Flies” is the story of a group of boys who survive a plane crash on an island and, because of their immaturity and innate human failings, devolve into a violent dystopian society of their own making. Then they all grow up to be lobbyists. 

I am joking. Some of them go into timeshare sales. [Spoiler alert] The Lord of the Flies is a decapitated pig’s head, abuzz with tiny winged followers. Lord of the Flies is not a title most people seek, and even fewer pigs.

Nobody seems to know what the two male writer-directors intend with this project, other than it will be set in modern day. Will it be a straight-up remake, with murderous young girls being horrible to each other? Or a twist on the story which takes into account the ways in which girls would react differently to their dire situation? (A hilarious teen novel, “Beauty Queens,” was already written along these lines.) 

Critics say that men cannot possibly write pubescent girls right for the screen. Critics have apparently never seen “Heathers.”

Plays like “The Odd Couple” and movies like “Ghostbusters” have been remade with female casts, with relative success. If “Flies” makes a ton of money, can a female “Catcher in the Rye” be far behind? Perhaps with the main character, Holly Caulfield, turning heads in short prep school skirts? 

And don’t try to tell me you would not pay money to see the movie “Kate Gatsby.” Or “Of Mice and Mavens.” “The Three Musketettes”? “Daisy Copperfield”? 

Tweaking a beloved classic always riles people up. If it turns out to be horrible, it will quickly disappear or become a cult classic. If it’s good, producers will start looking for even more cinema classics to flip female. 

Let’s hope it’s good, because I have two words for you: “Captains Bodacious.”

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