Sunday, November 26, 2017

You are a total original...demographic

You may be many things; a gardener, a food dehydrator, a Shar Pei advocate, but that also makes you a demographic. 

I looked in my Facebook settings and discovered that according to FB, I am an “engaged shopper.” I have never bought anything on there, so I have to wonder if my tendency to post kitten photos says something subliminal about my buying habits. 

FB also seems to know I am a parent, because it can see in my photos, I guess, the circles under my eyes. 

FB thinks I am the friend of “people who recently moved”; yes, in that I am an American and that I still draw breath. If you are reading this, and you do not know somebody who recently moved, you are in the “dead, but still able to read” demographic. You are hard to market to, but I bet a Scientologist on his third espresso could get it done. 

Politically, the FB categories are liberal, moderate and conservative, with “very” preceding the first and last of those. (I would love for there to be a “very moderate” category, the icon being a guy with his arms crossed and his chin raised in a resolute pout while wearing a “You both make some very valid points” t-shirt.) 

FB pegs me as “very liberal,” which I feel is an exaggeration, since I have never even “liked” a Lady Gaga video. I know extremists on both ends of the spectrum, and I feel like a centrist in comparison, but FB can’t sell a centrist a sports car, I guess. 

Even though she looks like she stepped out of a poster for Irish tourism, FB thinks my wife is African-American. Perhaps it is because she is “likely to engage in political content.” 

Unlike me, she is labeled a “commuter,” even though I actually drive a little farther to work than she does. Maybe she once “liked” somebody’s post about tires. 

She is also considered to be “close friends of women who have a birthday in the next week.” I love the specificity of that ad category. I imagine others, like “writers who doubt themselves more than twice a minute” and “men over 50 who like the idea of celery but not actual celery.” 

We like to think we are individuals, but we are really just walking demographics, just trying to get along in this crazy world without having to change brands. 


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