Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Wednesday Wa Pic - But maybe not the best advertising agency

 If you have to put "best" in quotes, it kinda raises a question...

Sunday, June 28, 2015

A woman on the $10 bill? It's time to make change

The Secretary of the Treasury has announced that a woman will appear on the redesigned $10 bill, immediately causing a #kerfuffle. Used to be, when you created a controversy you got angry letters. Now you get a #hashtag. In my day, a hashtag was just something too tiny to smoke. Now it's a big deal.

#DumpJackson has sprung up as an online call to replace Jackson on the $20 bill with a woman instead of on the ten, since Jackson is rather famous for his genocidal policies toward Native Americans. Plus he was opposed to a national currency, yet he ended up ON it.

Plus plus, since there are nine times more twenties in circulation than tens, some women say that relegating a woman to the ten is an insult. The $10 bill has Alexander Hamilton, who never offended anybody, and yet is due for replacement by the first woman on U.S. paper money in over a century.

Actually, "replacement" is not even true. The Treasury Web site states that "the image of (Hamilton) will remain part of the $10 note." So more hashtags flew.

Women were outraged that a woman would have to "share" the bill, unlike any man has ever had to. The Secretary did not specify how Hamilton would be accommodated on the new bill, but an informal survey of my women friends resulted in these suggestions:

"Shining Harriet Tubman's shoes," "fetching Eleanor Roosevelt's knitting," and "fanning Sacagawea with an ostrich feather."

Every currency design is centered on a theme, and this time it will "revolve around the theme of democracy," even though, ironically, money tends to erode it quicker than anything else ever devised.

Even though tradition dictates that people on currency be deceased, Hillary is still a popular choice. One can't help but wonder if there isn't a hidden message in there.

Nancy Reagan, Beyonce and Notorious R.B.G. (Ruth Bader Ginsburg) are also among the popular, but still breathing, front runners.

The new $10 bill will be the first to assist the visually impaired by introducing "tactile features" to the paper. This has to boost Mae West waaay up near the top prospects. But in any case, the Treasury welcomes your suggestions. Use #TheNewTen on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Evidently the Treasury does not welcome the suggestions of women without computers.

Poor Secretary Lew. He should have just made an executive decision. Like they always say, it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

. . .

 "YOU get ten dollars, and YOU get ten dollars..."

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Wednesday Wa Pic - Don't lose your head over tennis

 My opponent had a really wicked backhand, but at least I found a career in sales.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Interview with a spider

Today I continue my tradition of interviewing controversial figures. Since Ann Coulter was not available, I am chatting today with the much-maligned brown recluse spider.

GW: You've gotten a lot of press lately as a scary, deadly critter. You are having a bit of a "moment." What would you like for my fellow Californians to know about you?

Doris: I don't live within a thousand miles of you kooks.

GW: Wait. What?

Doris: We browns live in the South and the lower Midwest. If you saw me, it wasn't me.

GW: But my friend told me he knew a guy who had a brother in West Covina who got bit by a brown recluse on his toe and his foot rotted off and he couldn't reach the brake pedal and he crashed his car and died.

Doris: Yeah, that was in Arkansas, for one thing, not West Covina, and for another thing, that never happened.

GW: Hold on just a second!  What kind of name is Doris for a spider?

Doris: You're asking ME?

GW: So you're saying that the deadly reputation the brown recluse has is exaggerated?

Doris: What part of "recluse" do you not understand? We make black widows look like party animals.

GW: So you're saying...

Doris: I'm saying don't reach into my wood pile, my cardboard box that's been sitting in the garage for 10 years, my shoebox under the bed. I've opened a can of Chillax and I don't appreciate visitors.

GW: What two words do you think best describe you?

Doris: Me and Wikipedia agree on this: "Routinely misidentified."

GW: But you've got that violin shape on your back.

Doris: Yes, I do, but you would be surprised how many people see a violin-back on a common brown when they are standing on a chair screaming.

GW: To be fair, sometimes a recluse bite can turn necrotic and your skin can decay like an old plum. That freaks people out.

Doris: You know what freaks me out? Carrot Top. But I don't judge.

GW: People have died from a brown recluse bite.

Doris: And allergic reactions to penicillin. And bee stings. But you don't give bees an ominous name or make up tall tales online exaggerating a few anecdotes.

GW: Fair enough.

Doris: We eat crickets and cockroaches. A thousand miles away. So chill. And thanks for letting me set the record straight. O.K., dude, seriously, get down from the chair.

. . .

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Wednesday Wa Pic - Fill 'er up? Not very often, I'm guessing

 Because nothing screams "Date me!" like gas cap flair.