Dateline: The dunes of the cape
Rupert, middle-aged, a dissatisfied husband, tired of his lady
His own lovely lady, a dissatisfied wife and fan of piña coladas
Rupert (disrobing): I still can't believe I answered my own wife's personal ad.
Lady (laying the last stitch of her own clothing on a beach towel): Well, you said it yourself. We were like a worn-out recording of a favorite song. Wow, who knew the dunes would be this cold?
Rupert (taking her in his arms): Well, it IS November, sweetie.
Lady (shivering): This was dumb. We should have stayed at O'Malley's. I mean yeah, it sounds romantic in theory, midnight in the dunes, but in practice...
Rupert: I never realized how abrasive sand is.
Rupert: Dang it, I left the champagne in the car.
Lady: The car is sounding pretty good right now.
(It begins to rain.)
Rupert: Oh, crap!
Lady: Wait, I thought you liked getting caught in the rain.
Rupert: I do. I like getting caught in the rain, when I'm half a block from a diner with coffee and soup.
Lady (struggling into her clothes): Wait, what about piña coladas? Tell me the truth.
Rupert (getting one foot caught in his jeans, falling to the sand): I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, I just like them on my terms! Yuck! Stupid beach.
Lady: I beg your pardon?!
Rupert: Beach! I said beach. The sand. I'm...uchh, my jeans are full of sand. You couldn't have put in the ad, "If you like making love at midnight, in my car at the cape?"
Lady: Don't start your Mr. Copy Editor act. I got enough of that years ago. I just wanted to attract someone carefree, someone exciting, spontaneous. You used to be like that.
Rupert: I used to drive a '68 Mustang. Do you know what the insurance on that baby would be today?
Lady: I guess fantasy is best left for love songs.
Rupert: Well, look on the bright side. I'm still not much into health food. You want to go to In-N-Out?
Lady: You have always known me better than anyone.
. . .