Sunday, March 22, 2015

Did you know March is National Umbrella Month?

March is International Listening Awareness Month, a fact most men did not hear about, and will not remember if told. Not listening is a trait peculiar to almost every man, as any woman would be glad to tell him, though he would not hear. This is the month to be aware of listening, men. 

Of course, it's two-thirds over already, because I did not hear about it. 

March is also International Ideas Month. The organization sponsoring it proclaims "our you capture and clarify what's in your head..." This sounds good, in theory, until you consider that that is one slippery slope.

It is International Mirth Month, as well, which promotes the use of humor as a way of dealing with the travails of modern life. I wish that last sentence were funnier. Clearly, I have managed to fail at International Ideas Month.

March is Mad For Plaid Month, which exists to "celebrate the history and allure of plaid." There are many occasions where "allure" is too strong a word for something, and this is one. Another is when used in a sentence with the word "paisley." Or "bass fishing."

Did you know it is National Caffeine Awareness Month? Not International. Just National. I guess they have given up the French as a lost cause. The creators hope to "reduce dependency through education." This would totally work, if only dependency weren't so fun, and education didn't require a jolt of java to sit through.

March is also National Umbrella Month, "dedicated to the purchase of, use of and conversation about umbrellas." I think it would be hard to have a good conversation about umbrellas, but perhaps International Ideas Month is working better for you than for me.

It is Credit Education Month, Employee Spirit Month, National Craft Month, National Peanut Month (Slogan: "Hooray for national peanuts!"), Optimism Month, National Craft Month ("Because your closet is only 9/10ths full of yarn!"), National Nutrition Month, and Play-the-Recorder Month.

It is also National Frozen Food Month. They tried to take it International, but the Trans-European Heated Food lobby was too strong.

I do not know how a single month can contain so many Months, but it was probably explained at some point and I wasn't listening. Typical.

This is also Root Canal Awareness Week, but keep it down, people, all right? Some of us have to work.

. . .