Sunday, February 7, 2016

It's Super Bowl's golden anniversary: but what the L?

Today every true American will take part in the guacamole slaughter that we should be calling Super Bowl L but are not. It is the 50th Super Bowl, and the NFL for the first time in its history has decided not to name the game with a Roman numeral, because 50 in Roman is "L."

Apparently, L is not a manly numeral. What are they going to do in nine years when it's LIX? What big sponsors are going to jump on board Super Bowl LIX? Tootsie-Pop?

People will find a way to mess with whatever you call it, NFL. In the Bay area, the NFL put up large gold sculptures with a "50" symbol, and vandals have been entertaining themselves by rearranging the letters of "Super Bowl" to say things like "Super Bro" and "Superb Owl."

There was even one riff using the word "bowel" which I will not share here. Some joker knocked one of the sculptures over entirely, and arranged on the now-horizontal display the word "OOPS."

This week along the Embarcadero they created a pre-game festival called "Super Bowl City." It evidently had an array of booths and activities showcasing the Bay Area's cuisine, technology and cultural diversity; you know, all the things football fans are renowned for loving.

I do not have attendance figures for you, but they expected a million people. I think they must have learned how to estimate numbers from the Chris Christie campaign.

I always enjoy the list of prohibited items at stadiums. You can tell they are based on problems they've had in the past. Each of the following is listed individually as prohibited at Levi Stadium for Super Bowl not-L:
  • any fan perceived to be intoxicated
  • alcoholic beverages
  • coolers
  • intoxication
  • irresponsible drinking 
Also glow sticks. And "weapons of any kind (including silverware.)"

I don't keep up with sports, as I'm too busy tending to my rain barrels, but I do like a cap-your-career story like Peyton Manning's. The guy is almost 40, has a hairline as high as Willie Nelson's life coach, and yet he still shows up to his job which is to get knocked down. I hope he wins so he can quit while his body still has a skull attached.

But today I am most looking forward to the commercial with dozens of Dachshunds dressed in hot dog buns running toward people dressed as giant ketchup bottles. God bless America.

. . .



https://youtu.be/LOlfhBT8i9I

 Click to view commercial

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