Wednesday Wa Pic - iDon'tthinkso

 Somehow I think the prefix "i" as a selling point loses its vigor when applied to shoes.

Wednesday Wa Pic - Jewelry personality test

 O.K., answer quick. When you first saw the gold bear on the left, did you see a cute Teddy bear in a sitting position, or a Teddy bear with a profoundly large set of breasts?

Wednesday Wa Pic - Black gold gets gentrified

 I remember back in the last century when they called it "Texas tea."

Truthfully, not many modern marquees have the room to fit the entire actual title, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," and I, for one, am thankful for such a genteel abbreviation.

Wednesday Wa Pic - the language of retail

 Not much, Candle Shop.

Wednesday Wa Pic - Pluck 'em if ya got 'em

Elegance finally has a name.

Park your gravy boat in the new year

You haven't lived until you have watched somebody parallel-park an eight-foot gravy boat.

I, my friends, have lived.

It was New Year's Eve. The gravy boat was a Rose Parade mini-float attached to a larger float, and the whole vehicle together was too large to fit its pre-parade parking space. So the g-boat was detached, and a crew of guys maneuvered it curbside by hand, a skill you will not find in your DMV driver's handbook.

Seriously. A gravy boat.

I witnessed all this as a volunteer for the parade; my duty was to spend the night, all night, with the Stanford float, assuring Stanford's floral security, and then ride a scooter as its escort in the parade New Year's morning.

Huge crowds came out all evening and past midnight to view the lineup. I was amazed that people were still strolling and taking pictures at 3 a.m. I was getting woozy myself after nine hours in the street.

At one point I thought I was hallucinating huge butterflies. When dawn broke, I saw they were just on a float.

(See: butterfly, just below the moon.)

Nothing can prepare you for riding a scooter through the canyon of humanity which forms to watch the Rose Parade, an estimated 700,000 people. Stanford fans roared as our cheerleader-festooned float passed and their band played. I watched one elderly alum stand erect, slowly remove his hat, and hold it theatrically over his heart.

Stanford's mascot is a tree. (Long story.) It is a majestic tree, I admit, and not meant ironically; something you probably cannot say of UC Santa Cruz's Banana Slugs.

But a tree does not automatically inspire your opponent's dread that, say, a sword-wielding gladiator mascot does. Still, I loved the Stanford fan in one grandstand who stood and held up the sign: "Fear the tree."

I also enjoyed the poster somebody held up near the very end of the parade, for the benefit of exhausted marching bands, I would guess, which said, "You're halfway there!"

I despair sometimes for our globe. After the anger-filled political year we just departed, a year of such meaningless gun violence, the Rose Parade felt like being dipped in a vat of hope.

I saw, close up, the smiling faces of people of every color, jammed shoulder to shoulder in rows 10 deep for miles, cheering for the simple beauty of flowers, smiling in unguarded awe at the extraordinary things people can create if they work together. 

A new year, another chance.

Take a deep breath. Now go park your personal gravy boat like only you can.

. . .

More pics below

While a white suit is required dress for the parade, overnight duties involve rocking extra-large coveralls.

People sleep out overnight before the parade, sometimes sitting up.

Little-known fact: if you don't fertilize your roses enough, sometimes they can break out in eggplant.

 These were the folks from the Trader Joe's float, about an hour before the parade. They were really up for it. My camera couldn't resist the stripes.

It was a good time.

Wednesday Wa Pic - vanity plate 'tude

With attitude like this, I am not surprised he went through three of them already.

 

Wednesday Wa Pic - Downsizing R Us

 I found where they print all the pink slips.

Wednesday Wa Pic - Melville ate here. Hardly.

 The best novelists avoid adverbs and so should you.

Wednesday Wa Pic - Hey, who's chicken?

 WYNGZ, as described in Wikipedia:

"Wyngz is a chicken food product that is in the shape of a chicken wing...but is not actually a wing."

Do you suppose the pizza in the box is topped with melted "chyzz?"

Wednesday Wa Pic - When nuts are not enough

 I always want to bust through the door of a place like this, mock frantic, and gasp "Where's the stuff?! I need the stuff!"

Wednesday Wa Pic - z best sandwich in z world

 Meaning early in the morning. You know, before you are even clothed. So that bread is fresh, and you will definitely want to buy a sandwich utilizing it. Good slogan.

Special thanks for this photo to my only authorized guest Wa Picker, my wife.

Wednesday Wa Pic - Question answered

 So that's where the states get it from.

Wednesday Wa PIc - Brushing Beauties

 

Yeah, I remember back in college when a group of us guys would lean our heads together, admiring a passing beauty, and say, "She looks like she could scrape the baked-on cheese off a casserole."

. . .

Wednesday Wa Pic - Whack to the future

Got a rift? Stuck in a decade you didn't intend? Call Galvin. Personally recommended by Doc Brown.

. . .

Wednesday Wa Pic - A homeowner's mixed message

Um..."four more years"? Or four more years of bad luck?

. . .

Wednesday Wa Pic - Pay what you want?

 Unfortunately, this is also what the cashiers say when you order. Service is slower than you can imagine.

Wednesday Wa Pic - a bounty of trust

 Because once your company's paper towels have gained the trust of educators, you have truly turned a corner.

. . .

Wednesday Wa Pic - the case of the disturbing pickle

 Say it out loud and it just sounds wrong.

...

Wednesday Wa Pic - Extra crispy. And undead.

 Need to feed a large crowd during the zombie apocalypse? Wal-Mart's got you covered.