Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Terms you may not know if you don't have a teenager

One benefit of having teenagers is that, in a 180 degree flip of the parent/child dynamic, they now teach you new words. They can do this because theirs is the first generation to turn "ghost" into a verb.

Ghosting somebody is when you stop replying to their texts and pretend they don't exist, especially in a romantic relationship gone south. In my day, we called this "ignoring," but theirs is a more dramatic generation. Lady Gaga has seen to that.

Other terms:
  • F and F: Flirt and forget. After you have been ghosted, this is how you rebuild your ego.

  • Flip-flocks: When you wear socks with flip-flops. (Note: this is simply not done.)

  • Shipping: As in relation-shipping. Matchmaking, basically.

  • "I so want to ship Emma and Noah."

    "Right? They'd be so cute together. Except did you hear how he ghosted Heather?"

  • Lie-fi: When your device says you are connected to a wi-fi network, but you still can't actually pull up the Internet. Your grandparents had the Depression. Your children have this.

  • Adulting: To finally act like an adult; to hold down a job, pay car insurance, clean a bathroom. Like wearing flip-flocks, this is to be avoided indefinitely, if possible.

  • Flexitarian: Someone who only avoids eating meat sometimes, like when in a state which doesn't have In-N-Out.

  • Reply chug: A photo or video you send out to a friend who has sent you one of him chugging a beer. See also: too much time on hands.

  • Brogetit: When your bro does something bad, but you let it slide.

  • "Dude, sorry I dented your car. I should have pulled over to send that reply chug."

    "Brogetit, homie. It's just an old beater anyway."

  • Procaffeinating: Putting something off until you have had a chance to get your coffee.

  • Snoozefeed: Lounging in bed surfing your smart phone because it's too comfy to get up.

  • Oreolization: That joyful feeling when you realize there are still some Oreos left in your cupboard.

  • Honeydude: Like a Sugar Daddy, but still your age. Note: not common.

  • Petextrian: Somebody who walks and texts at the same time, often crossing the street, oblivious to traffic. See also: everybody.

My generation had the Fonz, and so our contribution to the lexicon was basically "Heyyyyyyy." I feel kind of nostalgic for my 1970s. It had so few syllables.  A person could think.

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