Friday, January 1, 2010

Super Bowl quiz for the non-football fan

George Waters column for Sunday, Feb. 2, 2014:

Super Bowl XLVIII is this afternoon, but before the big game, I invite you to park your Hyundai, grab a bag of Fritos, and a Pepsi, a Coke or a Budweiser, and sit down to see how much you know about today's advertisers, er, I mean, teams.

1. A football team has 11 players, so in Seattle, the "12th man" refers to:

a) The guy who offers to wash your windshield in the stadium parking lot
b) A pretend man the players "talk" to in order to freak reporters out
c) The 13th man, but the Seahawks are superstitious
d) A mythical being, much like Sasquatch, only with Birkenstocks

2. You know you are a true Broncos fan when:

a) It's raining on you and snowing, and the sun is shining
b) You find orange and blue to be suitable sofa colors
c) You are aware there is official, NFL-sanctioned Broncos fingernail polish
d) You refer to the old "Orange Crush Defense" un-ironically

3. Other team names which the Seahawks originally considered were:

a) The Sea Jocks
b) The Precipitation
c) The Pugetmen
d) The Boeingers

4. True or false: You can buy toddler jammies covered with the logo of every NFL team.

a) True.
b) False. This is not America.

5. Seattle's city motto is:

a) "The city of flowers"
b) "The city of good will"
c) "Behind every 12th man, there is a 12th woman"
d) "Birthplace of Macklemore"

6. You know you are a true Seahawks fan if you:

a) can remember the name of the quarterback
b) know the "Legion of Boom" does not refer to a Steven Seagal movie
c) had heard of Richard Sherman before two weeks ago
d) know that Golden Tate is a wide receiver, not a variety of apple

7. Which Super Bowl team's mascot is embodied, on the road to their hometown's airport, by a giant, 32 foot tall, blue (as in "Blue Man Group" blue) mustang, rearing on its hind legs with crazed red eyes which glow after dark like two malevolent fireflies from the bowels of Hell?

a) That would be the Broncos

8. True or false: That’s messed up.

a) True

I would like to say I remember who won the Super Bowl last year, but sadly all I recall is something about Clydesdales and puppies. I think the puppies won. Oh, I certainly hope so.