Sunday, October 4, 2015

A science quiz for the rest of us

I took one of those online science quizzes recently, the kind which make you feel about as smart as peat moss. I missed the question on whether water boils at a lower temperature in Denver compared to L.A. I thought it boils faster. No, it boils lower, which means, in effect, it cooks slower. I will remember that next time I am whipping out my spaghetti while camping in the Rockies. I will bring a good book, I guess. Thanks, science.

So you won't miss out on the fun, here is a short science quiz I wrote just for you.

1. Peat moss is:

a) moss which got trapped in a bog, decomposed, and now all you can see is its tusks sticking out
b) not as prolific as repeat moss
c) about as smart as you
d) a linebacker for the Colts

2. Photosynthesis is:

a) sold in a bundle with Microsoft Office
b) not as "green" as its proponents would have you believe
c) a way for plants to convert sunlight into a viable Ebay business
d) not what it was back before deregulation

3. Vulcanism is:

a) quips which Mr. spock lets fly after a few too many Romulan ales
b) a curable form of circus fandom
c) just to the right of the Tea Party
d) when you've totally had it and you lose your Vulcan temper

4. Electricity is created by:

a) God, while walking briskly in corduroy pants
b) harnessing the power of robo-squirrels
c) any two Judd Apatow characters
d) magnets, a plate of cronuts, and a dream

5. Californium is:

a) an element of the periodic table famous for saying "No waaaaay"
b) the place you wanta be, so they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
c) Hills, that is
d) the only ion stable in aqueous solutions, which, while impressive, doesn't exactly pay the rent

6. A vaquita is:

a) a small endangered porpoise
b) Esperanto for "undeclared voter"
c) not the kind of word I would translate in a family paper
d) like a chalupa, but more classy

6. It is important to know science in today's world because:

a) it is an easy word
b) without science, science-deniers would have a whole lot of time on their hands
c) two words: Dippin' Dots
d) otherwise, scientists would just be tists, and hard to employ

The important thing is not whether you can pass a random quiz. It is that you remember science is all around you, so you must be vigilant, and try not to get any on you.

.  .  .