Sunday, September 2, 2012

Political quiz pokes fun at both sides

It is an election year, and as a great American once said (I think it was either George Washington or Bobby Jindal), you can't have too many political quizzes.
Remember, there are no wrong answers, only wrong beliefs.

Finish the sentence: "When I choose a president, I look for..."

a) a regular Joe I feel like I could have a beer with.
b) a gazillionaire I feel like I could have a beer with.
c) I don't like beer.
d) I would vote for beer.

I would describe the current political climate as:

a) warming, unlike the planet.
b) chilly as Michele Bachmann's breath on a mirror.
c) hot, like that Elizabeth Warren.
d) stormy as Newt Gingrich's Civil War bodice-rippers.

How many delegates attended the Republican National Convention this week?

a) 2,286. Wait, do we count both Latinos?
b) I do not know. I was too busy dreamily mooning over that quintet of hunky manflesh known as The Romney Sons.
c) For the record—Tagg, Matt, Josh, Ben and Craig. Woof!
d) I do not know the number, but I have not seen so many white people hopping around since that Devo concert in '81.

Fun fact: "Obama Biden four more years" can be turned into the anagram, "O dear me! Brainy, famous bore!"

Marco Rubio is:

a) the name of a summertime Cuban swimming pool game.
b) a famous fish taco baron.
c) merely a rising star in fish taco circles.
d) no Tagg Romney.

Fun fact: The letters in "Mitt Romney for president" give you the anagram, "Prettify tender moronism."

The biggest difference between Barack and Mitt is:

a) the ability to sink a fadeaway jumper from three-point range.
b) $190 million.
c) Barack has the weirdest name. Barely.
d) the number of African cousins.

What is the greatest problem facing our nation?

a) Four potential years of "magic underpants" jokes by standup comics.
b) Joe Biden continues to be one heartbeat away from the freakin' presidency.
c) Drone strikes are not allowed on members of Congress.
d) The "nanny state" has been extended so far into our lives that every American will soon be required to hire an actual nanny, and that nanny will belong to a nanny union, and her union dues will go into a fund supporting gay marriage for members of the Armed Forces.

There is no answer key. Much like in our democracy, the main thing is participation and, of course, the secret knowledge that you alone are right.

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