Wednesday Wa Pic - Let Davy Jones sort 'em out

 For when you just get tired of wrestling the varmints.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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When your father's in your heart

There is no way to know where, or if, my father is now.

Well, one place I know he is for sure: my head. There he is, doing his "hocus-pocus-dominocus" trick for my nephew Mitch.

There he is in the basement of a halfway house for women where he volunteered, under a maze of leaking pipes, fixing them like a magician.

There he is, pulling me out of the hole I stepped in at the beach just as a wave went over my head.

There he is, sitting on the floor, his back against a wall, eating a sack lunch in a vacant apartment he owned and was painting.

There he is...walking my sister down the aisle at her wedding in the necktie she probably gave him for Father's Day a decade before. In his hospital bed, taking two long, last breaths. Handing my toddler sister baby chicks to play with. Applauding at my high school plays. Cheering at track meets. Wearing a tattered old Fedora against the rain. Jogging in place in the living room to rebuild his stamina after heart surgery.

There he is...diving in our frigid pool in the morning in order to "wake up." Choking back a sob when Edith Bunker died in "All in the Family." Riding our horse Billy, holding the reins with one hand like he was born to it. Wearing his "fun hat" (without which the fun simply could not begin) by the front gates of Buckingham Palace. Throwing my sister and me a football in the park during a road trip lunch stop.

There he is...chowing down on his favorite, a "chili size" at the local diner. Swimming out past the waves at Corona Del Mar. Pretending to like the annual Father's Day tie. Waking up in a sleeping bag next to me under a morning sky. Laying a new brick walkway to the house. Climbing trees to prune the branches.

There he is...riding on a Fourth of July float. Carving the Thanksgiving turkey and sampling it "for quality control." Walking the ancient Roman walls in York. Backpacking and camping out in the mountain chill and the desert heat with me and my Boy Scouts. Posing for family pictures with his six sisters and his brother. Laughing. Always laughing, big. Laughing to shake the roof off.

Forgive me, Dad, I was wrong. I know exactly where you are. Happy Father's Day.

See? The fun can now begin.

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Wednesday Wa Pic - A sign of the Renaissance

This is perhaps the most satisfying "To do" list I have ever seen. 

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Bridal magazine inspires humor

June is the month for weddings, traditionally, I think because people want to be married before Independence Day rolls around, rendering their newfound lack of independence ironic.

I picked up a bridal magazine recently out of morbid curiosity, to see what they are trying to sell the unsuspecting brides of the 21st Century. The magazine was titled "BLI$$," or something to that effect.

Reading a bridal magazine, much like predicting the winner of "America's Next Top Model," is not something a straight man should ever do.

If space aliens came down from the sky and looked through a bridal magazine, they would come to the conclusion that the women of our species cannot stand upright without dramatically leaning against something for support.

They would also surmise that women's legs must each be about five feet thick, considering the amount of poofy cloth required to cover them.

The days of ads with a pretty bride posing in a pretty dress are gone, if they ever existed. Now the typical ad shows a young woman, a hand held to her head as if she has just been startled, while trying on a $3000 wedding gown, by a bull moose.

The obvious conclusion, of course, is that this is an Alaskan bridal shop.

Another ad shows a bride striking a pose before an open window with a sheen of sweat on her chest, as if this danged heat is about to drive her to jump.

Yet another has a pair of dejected-looking waifs with purposely slumped shoulders as if to express, "Yes, I am getting married today, but I am untraditional, and my new husband will need to understand that I am tired of fighting gravity."

Aliens would assume that brides are an unusually hairy and pasty-faced species, judging by the products being hyped. There is a "hydrating razor," "nude air foam" with "aerated pigments" to cover up blemishes, and another type of goo to help "unclog your pores" for the big day.

Some ads sell suits for men as well. In one, a lanky bestubbled hunk gazes into the distance grimly and grips his pinky finger as if the fate of the world depends on pinky pressure.

Or perhaps he is engaged to sweaty-woman. Perhaps his nervous gesture is purely concern for her welfare.

I imagine a whole universe in which these models scowl and slump into and out of relationships. Befoamed. Hydrated. Unclogged. And that is when I realized I had to put the magazine down and walk away.

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Irritable public spaces

 

I found this in Crankytown right across from Kvetch Korner.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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How Venus's transit of the sun affects YOU

Tuesday Venus will visibly pass between Earth and the sun, affecting your personal horoscope in the following surprising ways:

Aries—Your native impulsiveness will cause you to tear the welder's glasses off a friend's face this Tuesday so that you can watch Venus transit the sun. This will not end well.

Taurus—You can be stubborn, and that is a good trait to have this week, because all kinds of people are going to try to tell you that seeing Venus transit the sun is worth missing "Judge Judy." There is a name for these kinds of people—"wrong."

Gemini—Adaptability has always been your strong suit, but seeing a planet punk the sun like this is really going to freak you out. Soothe yourself by wooing a Sagittarius.

Cancer—Your ruling planet is the moon, and the moon is not a planet, but go with me here. The moon will be overshadowed by all the publicity Venus is getting this week, which will make you sad. Find a kookaburra. Laugh with him.

Leo—You are fiery, self-assured and charming. Nobody likes that. Shut up about yourself for just five seconds, strap on some goggles and watch Venus already. Sheesh.

Virgo—Humane and gentle, you are dedicated to serving. All those people out staring at the sun are going to be thirsty. Howzabout you set down that rescue dog and whip up some Arnold Palmers?

Libra—Venus is your ruling planet, so you are bound to be excited by all the press she is getting this week. But keep that even keel you are so proud of, and a new relationship is likely to blossom. Don't wear yellow.

Scorpio—There is always a lot happening under the surface with you, Scorpio. Do you mind if I call you Scorpio? Anyway, I would suggest skipping the Venus transit altogether and dealing with those termite-laden stairs of yours. Call it a hunch.

Sagittarius—A Gemini will try to make time with you on Tuesday, but don't fall for it. Your broad-minded nature may tempt you, but stand firm. I mean, like, a Gemini? Seriously?

Capricorn—You are serious-minded, yet your symbol is a goat? Hmm. Watch the Venus transit online. Avoid pillows.

Aquarius—You are shy and quiet, yet boisterous and eccentric. You love water and take lots of baths. I don't know where I'm going with this.

Pisces—Compassionate, intuitive; you will be too busy with your aquarium to even notice the Venus hubbub this week. You alone, among all peoples, are blessed.

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Wednesday Wa Pic - the times we live in

 You know the culture has turned a corner when even mundane products throw attitude.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - 75% up to off!

I sign maker new one get!

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Universal edition

PLEASE DO NOT SIT ON MOUNTAINS.

O.K., it's an escalator warning sign at Universal Studios Hollywood, but I couldn't resist tilting it.

 

 Gotta wonder what horrible thing happened the last time somebody touched the gate that caused them to put up a sign. Perhaps, like this error I got on my computer, it is a...

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Showoff edition

I have met a few, and this seems over-priced to me.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Glocks or God?

A guest pic! Shot by my wife during her stay in a Colorado hotel. 

Want to pack heat? It's that way. Want to get straight with your savior? Same way.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Hosed by politics

I am sick - SICK! - of my hardware store trying to legislate morality.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Blondes have more phun

I am not sure if they are trying to suggest blondes can't spell, or that she's one vowel short of angelhood. 

Their Web site offers no clarification, but does offer a pair of sequined short-shorts which seem to confirm it's not just a missing vowel which stands in the way.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Hyperbole in hose

Truthfully, the Guinness Book folks were not consulted, so this is strictly unofficial.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Snobs R Us

 They could just as easily have stenciled the words "All those who would like their cars 'keyed' while they shop, here's your spot."

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Plagiarist Jeffrey resigns, uses "Um, define 'plagiarism'" defense

Steve Jeffrey has resigned as editor of The Anchor, a day after my original post showing proof of his plagiarism of articles by multiple writers over the course of the last year. I wish I could say for sure it was my post yesterday which made him decide it was time to go, but I doubt he ever saw it.

“I really don’t have any way to defend myself," Jeffrey told the Calgary Herald in an e-mail, "I did use articles for inspiration, but thought that I had changed the content enough to comply," after which his pants inexplicably caught fire and his nose grew as long as a telephone wire.

The first part of the sentence was true, however. There was no defense. No defense at all against side by side comparisons of other writers' original work and columns showing his co-opting of the same text, with miniscule alterations, under his own name.

I asked my 5th grader if he would ever turn a paper in to his teacher that was 95-100% somebody else's writing. "Are you kidding me, dad?" he replied.

Ah, youth.

Here is hoping Mr. Jeffrey finds success in a field other than journalism. I actually mean that sincerely. With his flair for verbal "spin," may I suggest a new career in politics?

. . .

Have you no shame, sir?

"No, my pants aren't on fire," says Steve Jeffrey. "It's just a warm day."

Continued pressure was brought to bear on "Anchor" editor Steve Jeffrey after my column yesterday about his bold, blatant plagiarism of my writing and that of 13 other humor writers in the past year. 

The Telegram, a Newfoundland newspaper which has three writers among those 13, posted an in-depth story today which includes Jeffrey's comment that he "doesn't know" why the archive of 52 back issues of "The Anchor" suddenly went offline yesterday an hour after my links to them, clearly showing more than a dozen instances of his plagiarism, appeared.

If Steve Jeffrey had an employer, he would have been sent on his way already with a cardboard box full of family photos off his desk. But Jeffrey runs the paper. Best I can tell, he has no board of directors or a boss. A person of conscience, caught in so clear a violation of journalistic ethics, would resign.

If you were an editor and you were caught plagiarizing other writers, would you resign? Give me a number. Would you only resign if you were caught five times? Twenty? O.K., 40. Let's go 40. How about then? Give us a number, Mr. Jeffrey. Show us that conscience.

Since links to those archives have been removed from public view (which innocent people do, you know, when they want to clear the air), below I am posting three more examples from the backups I collected last week before breaking this story.

These are for any readers who did not think the two examples posted yesterday by Poynter.org writer Andrew Beaujon were damning enough.

Here is a link to my column, "Sick of standardized testing? Bubble THIS in," originally posted January 15, 2008. Click it, and it will open in a new window.

Then click below and compare my original to this clip of Jeffrey's column, which he printed in "The Anchor" on May 19, 2011:

Below is a link to a column by Laura B. Randolph from Ebony magazine, dated Dec. 1999: "The spirit of Crassness."

Click it open, then come back and compare it to Steve Jeffrey's rendition, "The night before Crassness" from Dec. 15, 2011. At the beginning he changes a few words, because Ms. Randolph's original clearly was written by a woman. But then it gets rolling on the straight-up copy-and-paste:

And how about a piece from Sheila Moss, from whom Mr. Jeffrey purloined 25 different columns. This one is called "The cat toy."

Compare that to Steve Jeffrey's version, "The Christmas cat toy," printed in "The Anchor" Dec. 29, 2011:

I know. I should probably have put up easier-to-read graphics, but you get the idea. 

In the Telegram interview I referenced earlier, Mr. Jeffrey said he "hasn’t copied anyone and that he's trying to 'figure it out.'" 

There are three copies above. Two copies on Poynter yesterday. Shall we go for 40? Give me a number, Mr. Jeffrey. Give me a number.

. . .

Jeffrey resigned. Story here.

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Another serial plagiarist editor uncovered—O, Canada!

Normally, readers who visit this blog Monday morning find a new post making fun of manly hygiene products or a funny photo I've taken locally. But today, unfortunately, I have a more serious subject on my mind.

A few weeks ago, I read with disgust that humor/travel writer Dave Fox discovered an editor at a Midwestern newspaper, Jon Flatland, had been plagiarizing his writing and the writing of many other writers.

I write a weekly humor column myself, for several newspapers in Southern California. I also post it here on the "Wa" blog, and I got curious. So I did what Fox had done—I began to Google unique phrases from my own online columns to see if anyone had been plagiarizing me.

How does the saying go? Don't start looking if you are not prepared for what you might find?

In a bizarre repetition of Fox's discovery, I too found I had been plagiarized by an editor. In May 2011, Steve Jeffrey, the editor/publisher of a community weekly called "The Anchor" in Chestermere, Alberta, a suburb of Calgary, passed off my writing as his own. My column, but printed under his name and smiling photo.

Apparently we humor columnists are closet investigative journalists, because like Dave Fox, I began to dig deeper. 

"The Anchor" has online archives which go back a year. I searched 52 issues using the same process, and I discovered that I was not the only writer whose work Jeffrey was using under his own byline in his weekly column, "Sittin' in the Lighthouse." In all, I found 41 evidently plagiarized columns by 14 different humor writers in the past 12 months.

I say "evidently" only because I have not communicated with all 13 of the other writers yet, so I do not frankly know if they each sold their writing to Mr. Jeffrey with the understanding that, as part of the deal, he would be posting it under his own name and photo.

It seems, to be charitable, unlikely, however. I certainly made no such deal.

(To be entirely accurate, there were 42 instances when Jeffrey's "Lighthouse" column used content from sources not his own, not 41. But on June 23 and October 27 of 2011, for some reason, he printed the same co-opted column.) 

According to his bio, Jeffrey has been publishing "The Anchor" since 2000. I did not have access to "The Anchor" print archives prior to March 2011, so I do not know whether this evident plagiarism jag began suddenly last March or existed before. 

But wasn't it Sigmund Freud, or Dr. Laura, who said "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior"? I am not speculating, mind you. Forty-two smoking guns is enough for this cowboy.

I did not contact Mr. Jeffrey to ask him how my column, "Sick of standardized Testing? Bubble THIS in," ended up printed under his name and photo in "The Anchor" on May 19, 2011. 

I did not contact him to ask why 25 of my friend Sheila Moss's columns ended up under his name and photo in "The Anchor." Or the columns of 12 other humor writers who range geographically from Newfoundland to Australia.
 

Perhaps someone in the media who is, unlike me, an actual investigative journalist will ask him that.

The most bizarre thing to me is that an editor would be unwilling to pay the $10-20 most humor columnists would charge a publication of this size (10,000 circulation) for a column. 

I cannot understand how Mr. Jeffrey came to conclude that that was money worth saving.

My wife teaches high school English. When one of her students is caught plagiarizing, he is given a stern warning about ethics and the concept of "original thought." If that same student is caught a second time, he is dropped from the class cold, with an "F" on his permanent record. 

I have to wonder what punishment somebody who plagiarizes 42 times deserves.

. . .

Below are just a few sample paragraphs comparing the original material by my fellow humor writers and the material appearing in "The Anchor" in the past year.


[Update: this column was posted at 6 a.m. Pacific on March 26, 2012. The "Anchor" back issue archives, which are linked below, were removed from public view around 7 a.m. I have, of course, backup copies on file.—George]

Original column from me, here at The Wa Blog, "Sick of standardized testing? Bubble THIS in," posted originally Jan. 15, 2008:

"My kids, before their schooling is done and they begin their inevitable careers as underpaid but highly esteemed bloggers, will have endured, at a minimum, the STAR test, CAT/6, SAT, CAHSEE, and quite possibly the TACHS, COOP, SSAT, ISEE, SHSAT, the FAB 4 and the Dave Clark 5."

From Steve Jeffrey's "Sittin' in the Lighthouse" column in "The Anchor," May 19, 2011:

"My kids, before their schooling is done and they begin their inevitable careers as underpaid but highly esteemed bloggers, will have endured, at a minimum, the STAR test, CAT/6, SAT, CAHSEE, and quite possibly the TACHS, COOP, SSAT, ISEE, SHSAT, the FAB 4 and the Dave Clark 5."

. . .

Original column from Sheila Moss, Humorcolumnist.com, "OED Says OMG, FYI, LOL OK," copyright 2011:

"We tweet on Twitter, but tweets are tweets, not twits, which are still very foolish people. Of course, that could all change the next time the OED is updated. Maybe FYI, OMG, and LOL are not so bad after all."

From Steve Jeffrey's "Sittin' in the Lighthouse" column in "The Anchor," March 31, 2011:

"We tweet on Twitter, but tweets are tweets, not twits, which are still very foolish people. Of course, that could all change the next time the OED is updated. Maybe FYI, OMG, and LOL are not so bad after all."

. . .

Original column from Peter Chianca, chianca-at-large.com, "Don't let the door hit you on the way in," February 3, 2000: 

"While it may sound like a difficult thing to do, even accidentally, I actually have an illustrious history of hitting myself in the head with car doors and yet, somehow, I am still surprised every time that metal door frame caroms off my temple. You'd think I'd be used to it by now."

From Steve Jeffrey's "Sittin' in the Lighthouse" column in "The Anchor," May 12, 2011:

"While it may sound like a difficult thing to do, even accidentally, I actually have an illustrious history of hitting myself in the head with car doors and yet, somehow, I am still surprised every time that metal door frame caroms off my temple. You'd think I'd be used to it by now."

Although those examples are from 2011, this is not something which stopped awhile back. Readers of last Thursday's (March 22, 2012) "Anchor" will discover the text of Sheila Moss's column "It's a social media world" in Mr. Jeffrey's "Lighthouse" column.

I will not post all 42 links here for comparison. Each one is basically as similar as the three above, although Jeffrey did occasionally change a few words in some columns to make certain references local to Canada and the like. 

But just so you know I am not making that number, 42, up—last week, anticipating that the links to the archive of back "Anchor" issues might not be up long after this story appeared, I sent the list of comparison links to Andrew Beaujon at Poynter.org.

I wanted a pair of independent, professional-journalist eyes to verify my findings. (See Poynter today for Andrew's own article on this topic.) 

But here, at least for as long as the links are still live, are comparisons between content from the other 11 writers involved and content from "Sittin' in the Lighthouse" in "The Anchor" over the last year:

[Update: this column was posted at 6 a.m. Pacific on March 26, 2012. The "Anchor" back issue archives, which are linked below, were removed from public view around 7 a.m. I have, of course, backup copies on file.—George]


Russell Wangersky: "Gone fishin,'" The Telegram (St. John's, Newfoundland),  July 5, 2008:

http://www.thetelegram.com/Opinion/Columns/2008-07-05/article-1460599/Gone-fishin/1

Steve Jeffrey's version, June 9, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-06-09?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Man Martin, SouthernHumorists.com, "Home Repair":

http://www.southernhumorists.com/martin2.htm

Steve Jeffrey's version, June 16, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-06-16?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Joe Lavin, "Step away from the Internet," joelavin.com, Sept. 13, 2005:

http://joelavin.com/netaddiction.html

Steve Jeffrey's version, June 23, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-06-23?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

John Brock, "Blue tooth technology enters my limited world of modernity," The Southern Observer, January 9, 2008:

http://featuredcolumn.southernobserver.com/2008/01/09/%E2%80%9Cblue-tooth%E2%80%9D-technology-enters-my-limited-world-of-modernity/

Steve Jeffrey's version, June 30, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-06-30?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

John Martin, "Rebel with a pause," dunno.com, Sept. 10, 2002:

http://www.dunno.com.au/pause.html

Steve Jeffrey's version, July 7, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-07-07?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Jason Love, "So it goes - driving," Foolish Times, June 1, 2009:

http://www.foolishtimes.net/2009/06/so-it-goes-driving/

Steve Jeffrey's version, July 14, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-07-14?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Erik Deckers, "Which part of No don't you understand?" Laughing Stalk, 2003:

http://laughing-stalk.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html

Steve Jeffrey's version, August 25, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-08-25?mode=window&pageNumber=14

(Poor Erik. He was already plagiarized by Jon Flatland, and now this. I guess this is what you call, um, "broad appeal"?)

. . .

Ed Smith, "One born every minute," The Telegram (St. John's, Newfoundland), July 19, 2008:

http://www.thetelegram.com/Opinion/Columns/2008-07-19/article-1457934/One-born-every-minute/1

Steve Jeffrey's version, Sept. 1, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-09-01?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Laura B. Randolph, "The spirit of crassness," Ebony magazine, Jan. 1995

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_2_55/ai_58118320/

Steve Jeffrey's version, Dec. 15, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-12-15?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Daron Williams, The Collegiate Times (Virginia Tech), "Dare to wish someone a Merry Christmas," Dec. 8, 2008:

http://www.collegiatetimes.com/stories/12679/column-dare-to-wish-someone-a-merry-christmas-this-year/p2

Steve Jeffrey's version, Dec. 22, 2011:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2011-12-22?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Bill Westcott, NL News, "Long live our weekly and monthly newspapers," March 4, 2008:

http://www.nlnewsnow.com/section/2008-03-04/article-1502327/Long-live-our-weekly-and-daily-newspapers/1

Steve Jeffrey's version, Jan. 19, 2012:

http://issuu.com/theanchor/docs/2012-01-19?mode=window&pageNumber=14

. . .

Several friends have suggested I should be flattered that somebody considered my writing worth stealing. It's a joke. I get it. But here's the thing—usually after an editor publishes the writing I spent days crafting, writing that is printed with my own name on it, he pays me. 

That is really all the flattery I need.

George Waters

Sheila Moss responds to the theft of 25 of her columns.

Then this saga continues here.

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Wednesday Wa Pic - checkout me

I love that the supermarket's computer has a name for me when I scan my own items. In fact, I insist that "Self" be my new nickname. I may even change the name of this site to "The Self Blog." I bet I could corral mega subscribers. This is huge. Thanks, Vons.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog

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Wednesday Wa Pic - Brown Bag Mi Amor

Funny, I used to use the same description in my singles ads.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Macho men deserve macho products

If you think the most blatant retail manifestation of masculine aggression is found in video games, take a walk down the deodorant aisle. It is no accident the word "Axe" is used to sell after-shave, because men love nothing better than a) sharp objects and b) things with which they can whack other things.

(Brand names which Unilever tested and rejected before settling on "Axe" include "Gat" and "Shiv.")

Violence as a selling tool is a pretty blunt instrument, and so for men predictably effective. Axe has a style of deodorant called "Anarchy," which I guess is for when civilization as we know it crumbles but you still want to smell nice.

A brand called "Every Man Jack" brings to mind hand to hand combat on the deck of a rough ship, but its body wash's masculine message is somewhat undercut by the ingredient list, which includes "coconut-derived surfactants."

DIAL has a men's body wash called "Full Force," with actual molded plastic hand grips on the bottle, which sent me into such a macho mindspace that when I read the directions ("Lather up") I thought they said "Leather up," which would not be a bad brand name either. It could compete with Old Spice's "Swagger" and "Danger Zone."

I never considered the arm pit a danger zone, but perhaps the Israelis have figured out a way to kill with it, and have passed their secrets on to Procter & Gamble. 

Degree has an "Adrenaline series" of products, because hey, nothing gets a man's blood pumping like caulking his pits.

Speed Stick (a brand whose antiquated racing reference borders on charming) has a deodorant called "Energy Surge," which inexplicably contains no caffeine, but perhaps its C12-15 alkyl benzoate really gets you going.

Dove, as you might expect given its pacifist symbolism, attempts to compete with the bruisers above with a deodorant called vaguely, "Aqua Impact." Perhaps a little less olive branch and a little more market research, people.

A fluffy body scrubber cannot be called that in the men's aisle. There it is touted as (I kid you not) a "shower tool" or, in a nod to the manly automotive world, a "detailer."

I have never seen tweezers sold in the men's aisle, but if they were, I have no doubt one brand would be called "The Extractor."

You want to sell to a man, you have to think like a man. That's what they call a no-brainer.

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Wednesday Wa Pic - A welcome for one

I wonder if it is one and the same person.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - branding fail

 

 "Nobody will ever call us second bestest."

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - It's wedgie time

 Their lap belts actually attach to your underwear. You do not want to get in a collision.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic

 If you have to remind me, chances are it ain't happenin'.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - signage most fowl

 Peafowl don't need any encouragement from you. This neighborhood in Arcadia, CA, apparently has enough peacocks and -hens without the intervention of humanity. Think it's a joke sign?

 I turned the corner and there was evidence to the contrary.

A large flock of peafowl lives at the Los Angeles County Arboretum, and they roam freely in the residential neighborhoods to its west. Here is one video taken by a local; a peacock on her rooftop, in full mating stance, evidently failing to impress several peahens.

I've been there, pal. I've been there.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - Don't mess with confection

 A rose by any other name...

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - Forrest Rump

 Do not pretend you do not want this sign in your home.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pics - Rose Parade edition

Instead of a Wednesday Wa Pic this week, it is Wa "pics." I spent another year volunteering at the Rose Parade post-parade viewing area, standing next to several floats and explaining their materials to the visiting throngs. People have no idea there are orange lentils. There are. As always, the details on the floats were amazing. Like this one, backed with gold clover seed:

 

DANGER: FALLING BLACK BEANS

 

It was 80º and the crowds were thick, but happy. Many of them from out of state had not realized there could be sun in January. So the orange lentil thing was a second blow to their reality.

Roy Rogers' taxidermied horse Trigger, mounted on this float, got a lot of press. A lady asked me, "Is it true on the Roy Rogers float, that is a real horse? My husband doesn't believe me." "Yes," I said. "That's really Trigger." "Tony!" the lady screamed back into the crowd. "I was right!. TONY! That is a real horse." Was, I guess. Was a real horse.

I was near this float for much of my two day stint, sponsored by a Lutheran radio show which has had a float in the parade since about 1950. Several Christians expressed surprise to me that such an openly religious float would be allowed in these "politically correct times." I told them the Tournament of Roses is a private organization and can pretty much run any float they want, unless it is offensive on television. 

My favorite fact about this float: Jesus' portrait is crafted out of spices. Yes, in case you never knew it before: Jesus was a Ginger.

 This is the back side of the same float. I shot this because I was struck by how even the back sides of floats, the sides nobody really takes a picture of, are done so lovingly.

I really look like a guy who wants to sell you a float, don't I? This is the Farmers Insurance float, and whenever I stood next to it, the question I got most, 10 to 1, was "What is supposed to be on that fourth hook up there?" Various disasters which Farmers, presumably, will protect you from are represented on three hooks; a falling piano, lightning, a tornado, and...an empty hook. I did not know if the hook was empty because the decorators ran out of time, or the item fell off, or what. Since the theme of the whole parade was "Just Imagine," I told people to do just that regarding the hook.

The Tournament of Roses thinks of everything. Everything. If you look closely at the upper right of the picture, you can see raised white dots on the book's cover. This was a braille catalog of every float in the parade (!) for us to loan to blind people. Traditionally, on the morning of the second day of float viewing, the elderly and disabled are allowed in first before the crowds. This book was two inches thick, with plastic pages. You might wonder why a blind person would come to the post-parade float viewing. I did.

Next year I switch committees to something they call "Parade Operations," which means I will be up all night assigned to guarding a single float and, if I am lucky, escorting it along the parade route on New Year's Day on a scooter. There are other jobs in the committee, though, so I may not end up in the parade. Wherever I end up, though, rest assured: there will be pictures.

Wednesday Wa Pic - camp coffee

Judging by last week's post about the same kitchen staff, I don't think they are bluffing.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - Cook's rules

 A sign on the lodge's kitchen door at our camp. Borrowed, apparently, from the S.D. Zoo at some point. You know there is a history of harassment when they have to trot out the synonyms.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - Korean Barbe-confuse

Sign on the wall of a restaurant in L.A.'s Koreatown. This is either a reference to stealing leftovers or to some obscure ritual I don't know about involving lettuce.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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Wednesday Wa Pic - Wow. Just wow.

At Disney's Hollywood Studios, Florida. Sponsored restrooms. 

See also: Nostradamus.

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© George Waters, The Wa Blog


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